Dumb Luck

Today’s Boomer Moment is brought to you by the Texas Lottery.  Actually, it’s not so much about being a Boomer as it is being clueless.   I suppose it’s one of life’s great ironies that I say, “I feel like I won the lottery!” on a fairly regular basis; like if I wake up in the morning, when in fact I haven’t bought a lottery ticket in years. Back in the day when I was drinking and smoking I can assure that a lottery ticket was the third leg of the 7-11 vice trinity along with beer and cigarettes.  

I decided I wanted to buy lottery tickets for stocking stuffers this year so when I was at H-E-B this morning doing my weekly grocery shopping I was going to get $20 in cash because I thought lottery tickets might be a cash only type purchase (really) .  I then planned to stop at the neighborhood Quickie Mart on the way home to make my purchase because that’s where one buys lottery tickets, right?  Just as I completed my  transaction I realized I had failed to request cash back and lamented the fact to my cashier.  I then asked her if they sold lottery tickets at the customer service desk.  She cheerily informed me that she could sell them to me.  “Just like postage stamps,” I thought to myself (admittedly that is kinda Boomer).  She said she had MegaMillions and PowerBall and they were $2 each.  “Great!” I said, “Give me five of each,”  expecting her to pull them out from under her cash drawer in the same place she kept the postage stamps. This is where things went awry.

I’m not well-versed in lottery lingo and used the term “tickets” when what I should have said was “scratch offs”.  So you can imagine my confusion when she handed me two grocery store receipts each with five lines of five numbers on them.  When I told her that’s not what I wanted SHE looked confused (note: Millennial Moments are often triggered by Boomer Moments and vice versa). By this point the line of people behind me waiting to check out at her register had grown considerably and I began to feel like the Nana who waits until her purchase is rung up in its entirety to start digging around in her purse for her checkbook and start the process of actually writing the check.  Bonus points if she has to dive back in when they ask to see her driver’s license because who knew that was coming, right?

Having endured all the sighs and withering stares I could handle I went to the customer service desk and what should I encounter front and center but a display of colorful Texas Lottery SCRATCH OFFS.  I told the woman behind the counter my dilemma and while she was sympathetic she told me they had a strict no returns policy on lottery tickets (actually I knew that; I’m not THAT Boomer). I then purchased $20 worth of scratch off cards. As a side note, I didn’t realize there are $30 scratch off cards. THIRTY DOLLARS. Who are these people who have $30 to spend on a potentially, and likely worthless, piece of paper? Answer, the same people who worshipped the same trinity that I used to but instead of buying Pampers they’re feeling lucky.

So now I have $20 worth of lottery tickets that I had not planned on purchasing.  In my mind this is the perfect setup for a Hallmark Christmas movie.  Just wait until the children at the orphanage find out about my good fortune.